My rating: 5 of 5 stars
As far back as I can remember, even when I was a child myself, I recall having an affinity for children. I loved to spend time with them and seemed to always be able to make them fond of me. This was less of a personal talent on my end and more of a genuine sense of curiosity and playfulness.
This attitude has never left me.
From children in my own family, to my nieces, nephews and finally now even my own son, this attitude towards children has remained. I see them as perfect conceptions of innocence and purity, full of love and capable of providing the most elegant feelings of joy one can experience. For the one who takes them seriously, there is endless opportunity for reflection and contemplation.
Is it any surprise then that when I heard this book recommended that I immediately resolved to read it? I am happy to report back that this book not only met my expectations, but exceeded them and changed me as a person.
The first thing I will mention about this book is the way it is structured. The first half is almost diary-like. It contains a set of observations the author had about various children in his family and friend circles as he observed their every day play and interactions. In the beginning I was skeptical of such a format and thought it unbecoming of what was supposed to be a ‘serious’ book on child psychology. The more I read however, the more I became enamoured with the style.
Although I see myself to be someone who analyses children’s behaviours and tries to learn from them before I read this book, reading John Holt’s observations humbled me and showed how I was barely scratching the surface. I would read page after page of Holt observing the smallest behaviours that I myself wouldn’t look much into and then read his thoughts about what they revealed regarding the learning process for children. One example that comes to mind is when Holt sees one of his children roar like a lion, he understands this as the child developing and reinforcing a sense of ‘self’, something that should altogether be encouraged and allowed to flourish.
Who hasn’t seen their child do such a thing? And yet who would have the genius to see it in this way? My own young son has been doing this for a long time now and this fundamentally changed the way I saw it. Being newly born into the world with no understanding of how anything works is a daunting prospect we adults can hardly understand, let alone a child, and yet to separate the ’outer’ from the ’inner’, to give the ‘inner’ some value and distinctive identity serves as a signal for the child to say “I am here, I exist! I am me!”. This was but one example of how something so simple became cause for deep thought.
The first half of the book I was hesitant to take seriously ended up showcasing the hidden depths of observation I had yet to reach. So enamoured was I by this first half that I didn’t want it to end, but when it did I realised that it had already taught me many lessons, that no matter how much I thought I could see by observing my own son, there was always something deeper to find.
By the time I had begun the second half of the book, I had low hopes. How could anything match the incredible experience I had delving into the authors mind so intimately? Thankfully, the rest of the book didn’t disappoint either, though the style was different and more formal, it contained just as much benefit and wisdom for me to read.
The chapters that followed touched on subjects such as courage, the importance of free play in the process of learning, the importance and relevance of fantasy play, art, the expression of the mind with symbols and more. I was enthralled with every new point and nearly everything resonated with me instantly.
Despite the fact that this book was written in the 1960s, and aside from the odd reference to the technologies of that time, I am confident that this will remain a timeless work. So much has changed in the world since then yet children fundamentally remain the same.
As any parent will tell you, children are the joy of life. Nowhere does this joy shine the brightest and boldest than when they are young. This time however, is fleeting. They will grow rapidly to the extent that they will be unrecognisable within the tail end of the same year. Many lament the quick passing of time as they physically grow and become more capable, but not enough of us take the time to appreciate the mental intuition, elasticity, innocence and fundamental curiosity that are constitute the engine of such growth.
For the observer of children, there is much to learn about children, about adults, about life and indeed about learning itself.
As Holt mentions within the book, we must gaze upon children with the same love as we do a sunset, a vista or a valley. Our sight must not look to extract knowledge from them with any expectation, but our observation should be cast upon them with love and love alone. Only then will they ever give up their secrets.
And this book has made me into an observer.